The rumor that I am in love has already spread, though I had only just begun to love in secret, so that no one would know.
Mid-Heian period, the 4th year of Tentoku (960): the palace poetry contest held before Emperor Murakami. In the final round of the greatest contest in the history of uta-awase (poetry matches), on the topic "hidden love," this poem clashed with No. 40, Taira no Kanemori's "Shinoburedo" — the legendary showdown. The judge could not decide between them, and when the emperor hummed "Shinoburedo," Tadami was declared the loser. Mibu no Tadami was a poet of low rank, and the Shasekishū records a tale that he took the defeat so hard that he could not eat and fell ill. Yet the losing poem has been sung for a thousand years, side by side with the winner.
"The rumor that I am in love has already spread — though I had only just begun, in secret, to feel it." A soft feeling he had not yet even named "love" himself, and the world named it first and spread it around. A poem of the bewilderment of being overtaken by rumor, and of the purity of a feeling that nonetheless remains undamaged.
Before you can even say "I like you," the rumor alone starts walking ahead of you — we carried the original poem's frustration into the present as the unease of having the world's mouths name it "love" before you do. But this song's true place is not the rumor outside; it is deep inside the chest. However noisy the voices that drown you out, a feeling remains, newborn, not yet handed to anyone. We turned the vexation of being overtaken by rumor inside out into the resolve to go and tell it in your own voice.
打ち明ける言葉 選んでるうちに
うわさのほうが 先に歩いた
廊下の視線 ひそひそ声
君は気まずそうに 目をそらす
まだ何ひとつ 伝えてないのに
恋の名前だけ ひとり歩き
恋すちょう わが名はまだき
立ちにけり 早すぎるだろう
人知れずこそ 思い初めたのに
そっと育てる はずだった花を
土の中から 抜かれてしまった
訂正するほど 嘘っぽくなる
黙っているほど 認めたことになる
本当のことは たったひとつだけ
君が好きだと まだ言えてない
うわさの中の 「わたしの恋」は
わたしの恋と 別ものなのに
恋すちょう わが名はまだき
立ちにけり 返してほしい
人知れず 温めた時間ごと
噂話の 軽さの中で
恋が別物に なっていく
恋すちょう わが名はまだき 立ちにけり
人知れずこそ 思い初めしか
はじまりは ほんの偶然
ふとした横顔 胸に灯った
恋と名づけるのも もったいなくて
そっとしまってた それだけなのに
言葉になる前の 淡い光は
さわがしい声に かき消されていく
恋すちょう わが名はまだき
立ちにけり それでも胸に
まだ誰にも 渡していない
生まれたままの 想いがひとつ
噂も知らない 色をしてる
噂はいつか 風に消えても
この気持ちだけ ここに残る
知られたくらいで 枯れるような
やわな花じゃ なかったんだ
うわさなんて 追い越してやれ
わたしの声で 伝えに行くよ
人知れず 思い初めた日から
この気持ちだけは 本物だから
君の返事を 聞かせてほしい
思い初めしか……
思い初めしか……
While I was choosing the words to confess
The rumor started walking ahead of me
Glances in the hallway, whispered voices
You look away, uncomfortable
I haven't told you a single thing yet
But the name of my love walks on alone
"She's in love" — my name, already
Set adrift — too soon, isn't it
Though I began to love in secret
The flower I meant to grow gently
Was pulled up from the soil
The more I deny it, the more it sounds like a lie
The more I stay silent, the more it looks like yes
Only one thing is true
I still haven't told you: I love you
"My love" inside the rumor
And my love — they're different things
"She's in love" — my name, already
Set adrift — please give it back
The time I nurtured alone, and everything else
Inside the lightness of gossip
My love is becoming something else
"She's in love," my name, already set adrift
Though I began to love in secret
It started as a small coincidence
A profile glimpsed by chance lit up my heart
Even calling it love felt too much
So I kept it quiet — that's all
The pale light before it became words
Is being drowned out by noisy voices
"She's in love" — my name, already
Set adrift — but still inside me
There's one feeling I've handed to no one
A newborn wish, whole and untouched
A color the rumors will never know
Even if the rumor is swept away by wind
This feeling stays right here
Was mine a flower so fragile
That being known could kill it? No
Let the rumor go on ahead
I'll pass it with my own voice
Since the day I began to love in secret
This one feeling alone has always been real
Please, let me hear your answer
Began to love in secret...
Began to love in secret...