That I am forgotten by you, I do not mind at all. But you swore before the gods, and I cannot help fearing that your life will be forfeit for that broken vow.
Ukon was a lady-in-waiting poet of the mid-Heian period. She served Empress Onshi, consort of Emperor Daigo, and several anecdotes from her love-filled life survive in the Yamato Monogatari (Tales of Yamato).
The back of the one who was abandoned, holding back tears. On the surface, calm concern; underneath, lingering attachment.
We portrayed the original poem's twist — affection in the shape of a reproach — as a modern woman putting on a brave face. It forms a pair with "Nageke tote" (a man's brave face), released the day before. The structure in which "I don't care what happens to me" is followed immediately by the slip of the true feeling, "the truth is, I still love you," comes straight from the original. Beyond the hour before dawn when she cannot even bring herself to resent him, Ukon kept her pride to the very end — we made a song of her back, holding back tears.
忘らるる（拾遺和歌集・百人一首38番）Garu JP
別に平気だよ ほら笑ってる
ひとりの部屋も ひとりの夜も
元気なフリなら 得意になった
泣き顔は誰にも 見せないから
「一生そばにいる」って言った
あの夜の声が 消えてくれない
忘らるる 私はいいの
忘れられるのは 慣れてるから
ただ心配なの 「永遠」を
神様に誓った あなたのこと
罰が当たっても 知らないから
新しい人は きれいな人ね
「おめでとう」って 笑ってみせた
上手に言えた はずなのにね
部屋に戻ると 涙が出た
「一生」なんて 軽い言葉
信じた私が 馬鹿みたいでしょ
忘らるる 身をば思はず
私のことは どうでもいいの
誓ひてし人の 命が惜しい
なんて強がり 言いながら
ほんとは今も 好きなんだよ
ほんとはね 罰なんかより
あなたが元気で いてほしいの
憎みきれない 自分のことが
いちばん憎い 夜明け前
忘らるる 身をば思はず 誓ひてし
人の命の 惜しくもあるかな
忘らるる 私はいいの
でも神様は 見てるからね
あなたの誓った 「永遠」のゆくえ
罰が当たる前に 思い出して
それだけ言って もう行くね
人の命の……
惜しくもあるかな
Wasuraruru (Shui Wakashu / Hyakunin Isshu No.38) Garu JP
I'm fine, really — see, I'm smiling
Alone in my room, alone at night
I've gotten good at acting cheerful
I never let anyone see me cry
"I'll be with you forever," you said
That night's voice won't leave me alone
Forgotten — but I'm fine
Being forgotten is nothing new to me
I'm just worried, that's all — about you
Who swore "forever" before the gods
Don't blame me if the heavens punish you
Your new love is a beautiful one, isn't she
"Congratulations," I said with a smile
I thought I said it well enough
But back in my room, the tears came
"Forever" — such an easy word
I was a fool to believe it, wasn't I
Forgotten — I do not think of myself
Me? I don't matter at all
It's his sworn life I fear for
That's the brave face I keep on
When the truth is I still love you
The truth is, more than any punishment
I just want you to be well
The self that cannot bring itself to hate you
Is what I hate most, before the dawn
Forgotten, I do not think of myself
But the life of the one who swore — how I fear for it
Forgotten — but I'm fine
Just remember, the gods are watching
Where your sworn "forever" goes
Remember it before the punishment comes
That's all I came to say — now I'll go
The life of the one who swore......
How I fear for it