Soon I will leave this world. As a memory to carry into the next, I wish I could see you just once more.
Izumi Shikibu was a poet of the mid-Heian period, a contemporary of Murasaki Shikibu and Sei Shōnagon. She fell in love in succession with two brothers, Prince Tametaka and Prince Atsumichi, and left the story of it in the Izumi Shikibu Nikki (Diary of Izumi Shikibu) — a woman of passion whose romantic history made her the talk of the entire capital. Murasaki Shikibu remarked of her that "there is a side of her conduct that is hardly proper," and Fujiwara no Michinaga teased her as a "wanton woman." Even so, everyone acknowledged that when it came to singing the joy and pain of love, her poems were the finest of her age.
The headnote to this poem reads: "Sent to someone at a time when I was not feeling well" — that is, sent to her lover when she was ill and anxious. Someone who senses death approaching wishes for one more meeting, for the sake of a memory to take with her to the next world. In a situation where anyone else would pray to the gods and buddhas, she wrote a letter to her lover. The inversion of trying to carry love all the way to "beyond this world" (the afterlife) holds the whole formidable power of a woman who lived for love.
Facing death, she chose not a prayer but a love letter — we moved this formidable quality of Izumi Shikibu into a modern hospital room at night. The protagonist, who has only ever typed replies "pretending to be fine" and left the one true sentence sleeping in her drafts, is honest just for tonight. The whispered "I want to see you" at the opening turns out, at the end, to be the very sentence she sent — a circular device. No jewels, no bouquets — we believe the urgency of a wish that asks for so little is the true essence of this love.
あらざらむ（和泉式部・百人一首56番）／Garu JP
逢いたい——
消灯のあとの 白い天井
窓の外には 街の灯り
元気なふりの 返事を打って
本当の言葉は 下書きのまま
強がりも 気休めも
もういらない 気がしたの
今夜だけは 正直になる
あらざらむ この世のほかの 思ひ出に
今ひとたびの 逢ふこともがな
いつか消える 私だとしても
あなたといた日々は 消えないから
最後の願いは 欲張らない
たったひとつで いいの
もう一度 その声で 名前を呼んで
もう一度だけ 逢いたい
初めて笑い合った 帰り道とか
何でもない日々ばかり 浮かんでくる
きれいな景色より 最後に見たいのは
あなたのその顔だと 気づいてしまった
ためらいも 遠慮も
置いていく 決めたの
怖いのは 逢えないことのほう
あらざらむ この世のほかの 思ひ出に
今ひとたびの 逢ふこともがな
神さまに 願うより先に
あなたに直接 願いたい
天国に持っていける ものがあるなら
宝石も 花束も いらない
あの日の帰り道の 夕焼けと
あなたの笑う顔が いい
恋に生きて 恋をうたった人は
病の夜に ペンをとった
祈りの言葉じゃなく 「逢いたい」と
たった一言 あなたへ書いた
あらざらむ この世のほかの 思ひ出に
今ひとたびの 逢ふこともがな
あらざらむ この世のほかの 思ひ出に
今ひとたびの 逢ふこともがな
迷って消した 下書きのかわり
たった一言 今夜送る
ふるえる指で 送信を押した
返事はすぐに 来なくていい
この願いごと 抱きしめて眠る
逢いたい—— ただ 逢いたい
今ひとたびの…… 逢ふこともがな……
I want to see you —
White ceiling after lights-out
Outside the window, the lights of the town
Typing a reply pretending I'm okay
The real words still just a draft
Being brave, easing your worry
I don't need any of it anymore
Just for tonight, I'll be honest
Soon I'll be gone from this world — into memory
One last time — let me meet you
Even if I'm someone who will disappear
The days I spent with you never will
My final wish isn't greedy
Just one thing is enough
One more time, call my name in that voice
Just one more time — I want to see you
The road home the first time we laughed together
Nothing-days keep coming back
More than any beautiful view, the last thing
I want to see, I realized, is your face
Hesitation and holding back
I've decided to leave them here
What I'm afraid of is not meeting you
Soon I'll be gone from this world — into memory
One last time — let me meet you
Sooner than praying to the gods
I want to tell my wish to you directly
If there's anything I could take to heaven
No jewels, no bouquets I need
The sunset on that road home
And your smiling face — that's all
The one who lived for love, who sang of love
On a night of illness, took up her pen
Not words of prayer, but "I want to see you" —
Just one line, she wrote to you
Soon I'll be gone from this world — into memory
One last time — let me meet you
Soon I'll be gone from this world — into memory
One last time — let me meet you
In place of the drafts I hesitated and deleted
Just one line, I'll send tonight
Trembling fingers pressed send
The reply doesn't have to come right away
Holding this wish, I'll close my eyes
I want to see you — just — I want to see you
Just one more time... to meet you again...