Now all I have left to say is 'I will give up my love for you' — if only there were a way to tell you that myself, not through someone else.
Michimasa was the scion of the illustrious Naka-no-Kanpaku house. His grandmother was the Mother of Gidō Sanshi (poem 54), his father Fujiwara no Korechika. The family fell into decline after losing the political struggle against Michinaga. The object of his love was Imperial Princess Tōshi—daughter of Retired Emperor Sanjō, who had served as Saigū, the high priestess of the Ise Shrine. After she stepped down from that office the two secretly became lovers, but her father, Retired Emperor Sanjō, was furious. He had her wet nurse keep watch over her and tore the two apart completely. This poem dates from that time. Neither meeting nor exchanging letters was permitted. It is a poem of "a love in which even the words of farewell could not be spoken directly." Princess Tōshi later took Buddhist vows and cut her hair, and a few years afterward she died at the age of twenty-three.
- Michimasa was the scion of the Naka-no-Kanpaku house (grandmother: the Mother of Gidō Sanshi, poem 54; father: Korechika). The family fell after losing the political struggle with Michinaga - His beloved was Imperial Princess Tōshi—daughter of Retired Emperor Sanjō and former Saigū of Ise. After she left that office they secretly became lovers, but Sanjō, enraged, had her wet nurse watch over her and tore them apart - "A love in which even the words of farewell could not be spoken directly." The core is the cruelty not of the parting itself but of being unable to say goodbye with one's own lips - Princess Tōshi later took the tonsure (cut her hair) and died at twenty-three. Michimasa went to pieces and came to be called "the Wild Third Rank" (Ara-sanmi)
"I hear that person's doing well," passed along by a friend. That's not what you wanted to know, but all you can do is nod and smile—this song begins from the modern version of "hearing through others." Words deleted before they could be sent; drafts piling up. Only the voice from that day saying "see you" keeps ringing in the back of your ears. The Chorus—"Now I will only cut off this love; that alone I want to tell you, not through someone else, but to you"—is a complete modern rendering of the original. And in the Bridge we touch the person a thousand years ago who cut her hair and let go of love. Someone who held an unspeakable "goodbye" in her heart and still went on living. Michimasa himself ended without ever being able to say it. So in this song's Final Chorus, we let him say it, a thousand years late—"Let me say it on this song, the first and the last: thank you, and goodbye." The long night gives way to dawn.
今はただ（後拾遺集/左京大夫道雅・百人一首63番）Garu JP
友達づてに 聞いたんだ
「あの人 元気そうだよ」って
知りたいことは そうじゃなくて
でも頷いて 笑ってた
送れないまま 消した言葉
下書きばかりが 積もっていく
今はただ 想いを絶つよ
それだけを それだけをただ
人づてじゃなく 君に言いたい
最後くらい この口で
「さよなら」を 言わせてほしい
最後に会った あの日の君は
何も知らずに 手を振ってた
「またね」って言った その声だけが
耳の奥で まだ鳴ってる
責めたいわけじゃ ないんだよ
ただ終わらせ方が 見つからない
今はただ 想いを絶つよ
決めたのに 決めたのにまだ
人づてに聞く 君の近況に
心が まだ揺れてる
「さよなら」が 言えないままで
遥か昔 髪をおろして
恋を手放した 人がいた
言えない「さよなら」を 胸に抱いて
それでも 生きていった
今はただ 思ひ絶えなん とばかりを
人づてならで 言ふよしもがな
今はただ この歌にのせて
言わせてよ 最初で最後
人づてじゃなく 自分の言葉で
ありがとう そして さよなら
長い夜が 明けていくよ
人づてならで……
言ふよしもがな
Ima wa Tada (Goshui Wakashu / Hyakunin Isshu No.63) Garu JP
I heard it through a friend
"He seems to be doing fine"
But that's not what I wanted to know
Still I nodded, and I smiled
Words I erased without ever sending
Only unsent drafts keep piling up
Now, at last, I will let this love go
That alone — that alone, just that
Not through others, I want to tell you
At least at the very end, with my own lips
Let me say "goodbye"
The day I saw you for the last time
You waved your hand, knowing nothing
That voice that said "see you later"
Still rings deep inside my ears
It's not that I want to blame you
I just can't find a way to end this
Now, at last, I will let this love go
I decided — I decided, and yet
News of you that reaches me through others
Still makes my heart waver
With "goodbye" left unsaid
Long, long ago, a woman cut her hair
And let go of the love she held
Holding an unspoken "goodbye" in her heart
And still, she lived on
"Now I shall end this love" — those words alone
If only I could tell you myself, not through another
Now, at last, riding on this song
Let me say it — the first time and the last
Not through others, but in my own words
Thank you — and then, goodbye
The long night is breaking into dawn
Not through another...
If only I could tell you